TRIP Goals: Your Identity/Face-Saving Goal Issues
You have already figured out from your last homework assignment what “owns” you and what may be an “inner enemy” for you in conflict. Now that we have learned about TRIP goals, in this assignment you will be more specific in labeling your conflict “triggers” according to how they impact your preferred Identity/Face-Saving goals. If you would like to revisit your “What Owns You” assignment to answer the following questions, that’s fine, just be sure to now identify how it impacts your Identity/Face-Saving goals. If you can think of additional things that may be conflict triggers, that’s fine as well:
1- Take a few moments to write down which topics you typically have conflicts with others about. (Examples: money, cleanliness, intelligence, how to spend your free time, the way you raise your kids, the tone of voice your teacher uses with you, the way customers talk to you, where to go on vacation, etc.). You should pick at least three issues.
2- After thinking about a few specific topics/people/situations, write down all the criticism you can think of for the people you have conflict with. (Examples: he’s a control freak, she’s such a slob, nobody respects my privacy, you’re always telling me what to do, etc.)
3- Now think about what identity issues underlie your issues.
A- For example, if you are always complaining that people are always trying to “correct you,” perhaps your identity issue is that you think it’s important to be knowledgeable and don’t like to be told otherwise.
B- If you are constantly annoyed by other people acting like “control freaks,” maybe you like to maintain control over some aspect of your life, and this is central to your feeling competent, well-organized, responsible, etc.